October 14, 2003
The Parable of the Happy Kingdom
Author: Professor Goat, B.S. PhD. (Bull Shit Piled High & Deep)
Oh, Can-ada!
Our home and na-tive land,
We love to bitch,
but never lend a hand!
With flap-ping jaws,
we crit-i-cize,
And always dis-a-gree…
All those who give their time and toil,
We have harsh words for thee!
Posted by nimzie at 09:59 PM
September 14, 2003
Some Pre-Season Paranoia
Author: Professor Goat, B.S. PhD. (Bull Shit Piled High & Deep)
Last August, when my T.V. set died, I experienced a re-birth. Though I've never been a huge T.V. watcher, I did enjoy some shows - "The Simpsons", the CBC news, occasional forays into "The X-Files", the odd hockey or baseball game, shows like that.
Posted by nimzie at 09:56 PM
August 14, 2003
The Poser's Trail Side Guide: Lookin' Good In Atlantic Canada
Author: Professor Goat, B.S. PhD. (Bull Shit Piled High & Deep)
Editor's Note: Professor Goat is on a Cheese-Making Hiatus this month. Instead, we have a look at the fine art of posing, direct from 'Machismo Sid'.
Posted by nimzie at 09:54 PM
July 14, 2003
Herr Doktor Goat's Abridged Guide To Winter Mountain Biking
Author: Dr. Goat Ph.D Esq. OBE
Introduction
The balmy days of summer eventually turn to the dank, chill days of fall which are all too quickly followed by a clot of snow and cold. But with modern technology and a little bit of good old Canadian know-how, the mountain biking season never has to end! With a little planning and forethought, winter cycling can be enjoyed just as much as a good punch in the stomach or partial castration at the hands of a pack of starving wolves. Therefore, in this abbreviated guide, we present practical tips for getting in a good ride while incurring the least amount of suffering possible.
Posted by nimzie at 09:50 PM
June 14, 2003
The Cyclemas Story
Author: Professor Goat, B.S. PhD. (Bull Shit Piled High & Deep)
"Behold, a hippy shall conceive, and bear a frame-set, and shall call its' name Mountain Bike. For unto us a sport is born."
Posted by nimzie at 09:48 PM
May 14, 2003
How to Solve World Over-Population With A Bicycle
Author: Professor Goat, B.S. PhD. (Bull Shit Piled High & Deep)
Due to the continuing insane surge in world population, anybody who's stunned enough to remove themselves from the gene pool is doing the rest of us a big, big favour. If world population were effectively curbed, just think of the advantages!
Posted by nimzie at 09:40 PM
The Endless Hell of Bicycle Maintenance
Professor Goat is on a milking sabbatical this August, so standing in for this Month's Saddle Sores is Mr. Fixit, who graciously presents us with:
The Endless Hell of Bicycle Maintenance
Posted by nimzie at 09:38 PM
April 14, 2003
The 10 Commandments of Mountain Biking
Author: Professor Goat, B.S. PhD. (Bull Shit Piled High & Deep)
And now, a reading from the Gospel according to Saint Goat, Chapter 23, Verses 9 through 27: The 10 Commandments of Mountain Biking.
Posted by nimzie at 09:36 PM
A Hiker's Guide to Trail Etiquette
Author: Professor Goat, B.S. PhD. (Bull Shit Piled High & Deep)
Introduction
As world population explodes beyond all reason, the demand placed upon our natural spaces grows with every drunken gleam found in the eyes of prom-happy high school seniors everywhere. As an unfortunate consequence, no matter how much we might try, it grows increasingly impossible to enjoy the solitude of the wilderness alone, be it the wilderness of the Wal-Mart parking lot or the 7-11 at the summit of Mount Everest.
Posted by nimzie at 07:30 PM
The Free-riding Oxymoron
Author: Professor Goat, B.S. PhD. (Bull Shit Piled High & Deep)
Here on Canada's east coast, as winter gives way to spring, which in turn gives way to more winter with a brief splotch of summer in between, the time has come for a frank discussion about a peculiar form of lunacy known as "Free-Riding". However, since my name isn't Frank, you won't find that here. What you will find is rumours, half truths, sarcasm, outright lies and some gratuitous nudity (a consolation prize for the lot of you who stumbled upon this while you were looking for eatme.com instead of ecmtb.com).
Posted by nimzie at 07:25 PM